Did I say that I loathe you... Did I say that I want to leave it all behind...

...Not yet.

But I don't know if by the time I am ready to be with you again, you will still be there... It's a chance I've got to take, because as of now, I can't be with you. I owe it to our relationship to not be with you when I am feeling like this.

I owe it to our relationship not to marry you if I'm not madly in love with you... not to make love to you if I'm not madly in love with you... not to leave everything behind and take off to a new adventure if I'm not sure I want to risk everything for you.

Or maybe I AM madly in love with you right now, but I just don't feel free to be completely and thouroughly in love with you again.

And how could you? How could you let me make love to you like that, when you knew that you had been thinking of someone else for three weeks? And how can you want me to believe that it is all over, just now, just when I found out about it through methods that I despise, through actions I didn't believe myself capable of carrying out?

How could you let me despise myself, let me go through the tough and painful process of living with the guilt of my jealosy, when you knew the jealosy was founded?

... Life is full of riddles, isn't it? No hay límite para la estupidez humana and the complicated states of mind and emotion we get ourselves into, is there?