"Daddy drinks because I cry..."

It looks funny on a t-shirt. sometimes, just sometimes, it's true. and sometimes, just sometimes, it's mommy.

"I remember it well..."

"...The first time that I saw
Your head around the door
'Cause mine stopped working

I remember it well
There was wet in your hair
I was stood in the stair
And time stopped moving

I want you here tonight
I want you here
'Cause I can't believe what I found
I want you here tonight
I want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down...

I remember it well
Taxied out of a storm
To watch you perform
And my ships were sailing

I remember it well
I was stood in your line
And your mouth, your mouth, your mouth...

I want you here tonight
I want you here
'Cause I can't believe what I found
I want you here tonight
I want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down...

Except you my love. Except you my love..."
D. Rice

And so it is...

Life goes easy on me, most of the time...

Did I say that I loathe you... Did I say that I want to leave it all behind...

...Not yet.

But I don't know if by the time I am ready to be with you again, you will still be there... It's a chance I've got to take, because as of now, I can't be with you. I owe it to our relationship to not be with you when I am feeling like this.

I owe it to our relationship not to marry you if I'm not madly in love with you... not to make love to you if I'm not madly in love with you... not to leave everything behind and take off to a new adventure if I'm not sure I want to risk everything for you.

Or maybe I AM madly in love with you right now, but I just don't feel free to be completely and thouroughly in love with you again.

And how could you? How could you let me make love to you like that, when you knew that you had been thinking of someone else for three weeks? And how can you want me to believe that it is all over, just now, just when I found out about it through methods that I despise, through actions I didn't believe myself capable of carrying out?

How could you let me despise myself, let me go through the tough and painful process of living with the guilt of my jealosy, when you knew the jealosy was founded?

... Life is full of riddles, isn't it? No hay límite para la estupidez humana and the complicated states of mind and emotion we get ourselves into, is there?

La caída

No quiero competir. No quiero que esté conmigo si le llama la atención otra persona, si se pregunta cómo sería estar... Preferiría que salga de la duda, que vaya y salga de la duda, prefiero eso a que sienta la obligación de estar conmigo... Mis padres, la vida, o la combinación de ambos, me han enseñado a buscar siempre relaciones que me hacen bien, que me hacen sentir bien la mayor parte del tiempo, relaciones saludables.

¿Cómo puede estar seguro de que quiere estar conmigo si no me vio más bonita luego de más de una semana de no vernos, cuando hace planes de almuerzo que no me cuenta, cuando comparte cosas que no comparte conmigo?

No, no está seguro, pero yo no le puedo hacer su trabajo... Puedo ayudarle, pero no puedo hacerlo todo...

Espero que se de cuenta pronto. Me queda la contentera de haberle contado del salto, la caída, del abismo...